Strange, but...

[thegrrrl2002]

I seem to have written a Sam character piece kind of ficlet. Imagine that. I'm not sure what provoked me to write it, except that I was thinking about the character, wondering what would be up with her Season 8, and wishing she was a little more human. You know, with flaws and all. I was hesitant to post it because I'm not really comfortable with her POV, and I'm not sure I really like what I've written, but I figure posting will get it out of my brain. So I will say right now, feel free to let me know if you don't like it (although I'd much appreciate if you told me why, of course). It's just one of those 'let me see if I can do it' things.

It takes place in the not-too-distant future, maybe in a few years or so. I suppose it could be considered an AU, since my idea of where everyone will be doing in two years might be very different than what someone else might think.


"Here, let me take that, sir," she says, reaching for the Jack's empty plate.

Jack holds it just out of her reach. "Jack," he says, enunciating carefully. "Jaaaaack."

"Jack," she repeats with a smile. It's been months now, but she's still not used it and the reminder makes her feel oddly self-conscious. "Hand over the plate," she demands with mock severity, covering her discomfort.

"And no one gets hurt?" Daniel suggests.

Jack adds, "Pete, you're rubbing off on her." He allows her to take the plate.

Everyone laughs, and the moment is past.

She has kept an eye on the two of them throughout the dinner, looking for a sign, some kind of evidence, but they have behaved much the same as always, exchanging glances, finishing one another's sentences, sometimes while making identical gestures. Nothing seems to have changed between them, except maybe they are more relaxed.

She shakes her head. Her mind doesn't need to go *there*, even though the thought of it makes her want to laugh, what with the bickering and all.

Pete helps her gather up the empty plates. As she lifts the serving platter, Teal'c expertly spears the last slice of pot roast. "The SGC suffers from your absence, O'Neill," he says, not for the first time.

"Absence? What absence?" Daniel asks. "For someone who is supposedly retired, he's constantly underfoot, 'consulting'". He makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he speaks.

"More wine?" Pete has the bottle in his hand, and Daniel eagerly lifts his glass. His cheeks are flushed, and Sam is sure he's already had several glasses. Pete seems to be aware of this, because he only gives Daniel a half a glass. Daniel doesn't notice.

Teal'c nods gravely, and Pete refills his wineglass, too. "O'Neill has much wisdom to impart, due to his many, many years in the service of his country."

"Hey, are you calling me old?" Jack straightens in his chair, the very picture of wounded dignity.

Before Teal'c can answer, Daniel cuts in. "Wise? Are you calling him wise?"

Jack frowns at Daniel, but Daniel only grins. It's a self-satisfied grin, wide enough to make his nose wrinkle. Sam thinks he's being particularly silly and sweet. And so does Jack, apparently. His expression grows warmer, his eyes soften, full of affection and yes, love. She wonders if, had they been alone, Jack would have kissed him. Because, by God, he looks as if he wants to.

She looks away, face growing warm, embarrassed by her curiosity and fascination. She hears Pete ask Jack how many years he's served, and Daniel begins chattering with Teal'c. The conversations grow loud, and then blur together. She can't follow either one, it's as if her brain isn't working right. She realizes once more how much she misses Janet, misses her friendship, her warm smile, her sly humor. There is so much she wants to share with her, so much she needs to tell her. Because Janet would have understand. All these changes--SG-1 disbanded, Jack retired, the whole Daniel and Jack living together thing (they would have a marvelous giggle over *that*), and now they won't even let her go through the gate.

Sam grabs the stack of plates and heads toward the kitchen, because her eyes are filling, and she doesn't want to cry, not again. She puts the dishes in the sink, and, eyes closed, takes a deep breath.

"Sam?"

She opens her eyes. "Yes, Daniel?" She's fine. She's not crying. No. Not at all.

"I was going to, uh, make some coffee?" Daniel waves a hand at the coffee pot, then looks at her searchingly. "You okay?"

Pasting on a smile, she tells Daniel, "Just fine." Her voice wavers, giving her away. "Maybe a little emotional. Hormones, you know."

Daniel's brows rise. "Really? Oh." He reaches a hand to her still-flat belly, then hesitates and pulls it away. "At least you have a good excuse."

He smiles again, and Sam can't resist taking his hand and kissing his cheek, because he looks so eager and happy for her. "Go sit down. I'll make the coffee," she says.

"Take her with you." Pete is in the kitchen now, making little shooing motions. "Come on now, I told you I'd take care of everything. The pies are warming in the oven, and I'll get the coffee going. Nice and strong," he says, with a nod to Daniel.

"Pete, I can--"

"Go on, Sammy," he says over his shoulder, "I've got everything under control." He's already scooping coffee beans into the grinder.

Sam lets Daniel lead her back to the table. She wants to protest that she's not an invalid, she's only pregnant, for heaven's sake. There are cells deep in her gut that share Pete's DNA, that are dividing, differentiating, becoming another human being without any input from her. But she doesn't say anything, because Pete just wants to take care of her, and that's not such a bad thing, not really. It took her a while to learn to let him do that, just like it took her a while to learn how to share a house with another person.

Now there was going to be one more person.

When she sits back down at the table, she fusses with her napkin, shaking it out, folding it, then unfolding it again, as if it were time and space itself. Teal'c refills her water glass and she listens to Pete banging around in the kitchen while Daniel and Jack bicker over who spilled all that gravy on the nice tablecloth.

"Carter?" Jack is leaning forward on his elbows, calling her name.

She looks up, startled. "Huh?"

"What's with the whole deer in the headlights thing?"

Jack, still looking after his team.

"Who, me? I'm--I'm--" I'm pregnant, she thinks. I've got another life growing in my belly, and I have no idea what on earth I'm going to do with it. I'm a scientist, I'm a soldier, I'm not a mother, I'm not prepared. I want my mother, I want Janet, I want to be going through the gate again with Daniel and Teal'c. "I'm okay," she insists.

"You'll do just fine, Carter. Believe me." From his expression, Sam sees that he honestly thinks she can do it.

"I don't know, sir." She realizes what she's said, but he doesn't correct her this time.

"Hey, now, you've got us to help out, you know," Daniel tells her. He reaches across the table to pat her hand.

"I also have knowledge of child-rearing," Teal'c says. "I will be more than happy to assist in any way I can."

She hears Janet's voice in her head. "Listen, the kid's going to grow up with a gay couple and an alien as uncles, not to mention a grandfather with a snake in his neck. Things are going to turn out just fine, honey." The laughter bubbles up out of her, and once she starts, she can't stop. She feels Pete's arms slide around her, and he squeezes her tightly, holding her until it's over.

Comments

[katie-m.livejournal.com]

Aww! Sweet. I particularly liked this:

Teal'c nods gravely, and Pete refills his wineglass, too. "O'Neill has much wisdom to impart, due to his many, many years in the service of his country."

...because I'm a sucker for Sarcasm Teal'c.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! I was uneasy about this. As for Teal'c, well, I'm convinced he's a Stealth Wiseass. Must be a Jaffa thing.

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Well, I liked it. I liked it a lot, in fact. She wasn't the bitch who was jealous, she wasn't Miss Sweetness and Light, she was normal and having doubts, and since I happen to like Sam most of the time (aside from Sam the Wunderkind mooning after Jack when the writers lose their minds, and even then, it's hard to dislike her, no matter how idiotic the writing is).

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Very much appreciated, 'zoot. I don't always like Sam, although I don't actually dislike her. I'm afraid I find her character boring at times. So much wasted potential. I like her best when she's vulnerable, as she was in that locker room scene with Teal'c in Paradise Lost.

[carolyn-claire.livejournal.com]

So I will say right now, feel free to let me know if you don't like it

Oh, no, I liked it a lot. I like that she's not sure what she's feeling, and neither are we. I like her longing for Janet--I felt her absence here, too. I like her fascination with Jack and Daniel, of course *g* and her inability to call Jack anything but Sir (she always will) and he warmth toward Daniel and her missing the life she had. First-time moms feel a lot of conflicting things; I think you've captured that well, and made it uniquely Sam, too. (And Jack and Daniel are so damn cute! :)

(You have a 'the Jack' in the first para.)

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! You are so kind. I'm so glad this worked. I felt like Janet's death must have left a big hole in her life, too since they were obviously very close. I hope Janet doesn't become one of those 'and she was never mentioned again' characters.

And thank you for spotting the darn typo. Will go back and fix that now. *g*

[nicci-mac.livejournal.com]

I like it. I really do. I think you have captured Sam's inner voice. It works well as a short peice, but it would work even better if you wanted to expand on it. I think it's a facinating concept and I for one would love to see it taken further.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thank you, nicci! I'm very flattered that you'd want to see more it. I'm not sure I'd be able to carry it out any further, although maybe if it changed POVs every now and again? Because both Jack and Daniel have a bit of baggage in that area, too.

[skater-g8r.livejournal.com]

I got scared for aminute there at the beggining 8-o *g*
but I loved it alot!, I just wish I could FB better, because everyone says just what i think, but say it much better than me!
So can I agree with carolyn claire?, she kinda said everything i wished I could say 8-)

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey, this is me! I *so* don't see Jack/Sam. I can't really ever see myself going there. I'm glad so you liked this! Your feedback is always wonderful. Thank you.

[vickita.livejournal.com]

Oh, I liked it very much. Yeah. This is the way it happens.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thank you, vickita! I'd like for things to turn out this way, too. *g*

[slb44.livejournal.com]

This worked big time for me. Loved the way you just dropped us into the scene. It makes it seem so much more real.

I could believe in your Sam. It's a maturer version then we get on screen, but then she'd have to be that in order to commit to Pete, let alone get pregnant.

My favourite line is, "Listen kid...." That's definitely Janet.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

LOL, so being lazy and starting in the middle worked? Great! I'm glad. I also wish Sam was written a little more consistently, as in, quit with the Jack stuff, already! But that's my own personal bias.

Thank you so much!

[raqs.livejournal.com]

starting in the middle is the great innovation of the twentieth century novel. you're in very good company there.

i love the feeling of all the characters in this piece. i want to be in the room with them all, give them a hug - even pete, in whom i have no interest whatsoever. i think it would play this way, too. except i think all the guys would be even more gaga about touching sam - since i used to work in a place with a lot of guys and few girls and when one of the women got pregnant, all the guys wanted in on it. i think it's one of the sweeter features of guys - the good kind - that they're so interested in the whole thing.

there's something that needs to be written about that whole situation with shau're having apophis' kid which I KNOW just crushed Daniel into a small dry puddle of dust. still haven't figured out what i'd do with that, though. "wistful" would be a gentler version.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Darling, thank you! About the touching--yeah, I think you're right. Especially once she starts to show.

The thing with Shau're, yeah, that couldn't have been good. Something that was treated a little too lightly by the show. As most of the emotional trauma is. (Wee! Look! they're all better now!) I'm thinking both Jack and Daniel would both be dealing with a lot of baggage regarding Sam's pregnancy. It would definitely be interesting to address.

[slb44.livejournal.com]

LOL, so being lazy and starting in the middle worked?

Yup. Big time. I find it's a much underused ploy in fiction and for me, it implies so much more going on, that it intrigues me delightfully. *g*

[bluecove.livejournal.com]

I've never commented in your journal before, although I love all of your writing. (You have a fantastic way with words.) You seemed unsure about this piece, so I thought I'd speak up and say: it's wonderful. This is SG-1 the way they were meant to be, especially Sam. Oh, and the length is fine -- just give it a title, and you're ready to send it on its way.

Hello!

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Aww, you're so sweet! Thank you, I'm very flattered. I always feel like I struggle so much with the whole word thing, I'm glad it doesn't come across that way. I'd love for SG1 to be like this too, changing, evolving, yet still being there for each other.

I think I just might tidy this up and put it on my website.

[reedfem.livejournal.com]

Oh, I like. You have the hormones bit down, that's how I knew I was pregnant the second time, leaking emotions all over the place. Well, mostly that.

But hey, if Sam has to use Jack, shouldn't he have to stop with the "Carter" bit and call her Sam? Fair's fair. Although I'll vouch for it being hard to switch after calling someone sir for a number of years. I still have friends who are "Ma'am", "L.T." and "Chief". More nicknames at this point.

Hormones...

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Hell, I'm like that every freakin' month, it seems. I'm glad it rang true though, never having had a bun in the oven, myself.

And I figure Jack is in commander mode when he calls her "Carter". Yup, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

[gypsy86.livejournal.com]

I liked this a lot too. I have a wee bit of a Jack/Sam shipper in me, but this works as well. Mostly because I like the idea of this nailed together family that keeps going, despite loss, despite everything.

I do wonder if at this point Jack would be calling her Sam, though, instead of Carter.

I'd love to see a follow up conversation between Jack and Daniel. Not from a jealousy angle, but I could see wistfulness, oddly enough, coming from Daniel, who never got the chance to have a child of his own.

Also I can totally see the guys collectively spoiling this poor kid rotten. *g*

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Eep! Shipper leanings! *g* Then I'm doubly tickled that this worked for you. As for the "Carter" bit, well, as I said in the comment above, he's acting as her commander at the moment, keeping on eye on his kids, so he reverted back. Really. That's what I had in mind.

Wistful--yeah, you nailed it. I think that is very much how Daniel would feel, and I wish I had thought of it.

So come on now, why aren't you writing Stargate yet?

[gypsy86.livejournal.com]

*g* who says I'm not? There's a difference between writing and posting. ;)

The boys would both be wistful, I imagine. Daniel over the Harsesis child and his wife, Jack over the family he lost. Not that they wouldn't be genuinely happy for Sam and Pete, but there'd be a sadness too.

[gigitrek.livejournal.com]

Well, I liked it! I haven't read many fics dealing with how Sam feels about losing Janet (or really with any long-term consequences of Janet's death at all) but it seems like this would be how Sam would react. I also liked her feelings/fear about being pregnant.

Glad you threw in a little Jack/Daniel slash, too. Although I was prepared to read even if it was gen, because that's how much I love you. But Jack/Sam...now that would have been a bridge too far. Very happy you didn't go there.

Listen, the kid's going to grow up with a gay couple and an alien as uncles, not to mention a grandfather with a snake in his neck.

I also really, really liked that line.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Gigi! Of course I had to squeeze a little J/D into it. Because I figure that would be something Sam desperately would want to whisper to Janet about.

I wonder how long it will take the kid to notice that grandpa isn't getting any older.

[agentotter.livejournal.com]

You can't see me, obviously, but if you could I'd be pointing at me, then tracing a big air-heart with my fingers, then pointing at you. Other than that, I'm all sad 'cause I want to snuggle Sam only she's fictional so I can't, exactly...

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

I ♥ you, too, New Apartment Woman! Thank you, I feel all warm and snuggled myself, now.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

See, it's comments like this that make me really love you.
The tripping non linear random thoughts style of writing.
I also love the sign language.

[epeeblade]

Just wanted to say how much I loved this piece. As others have said, Sam is so human here...it's really nice to see. :)

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Epee! Thank you, I really appreciate it. Sam's POV is really not my thing, but I just wanted to see if I could make her feel a little more real, and human.

[dirty-diana.livejournal.com]

I like this lots. I love the look at SG-1 all grown up, it's a nice thought. And Sam-voice is nice, and I like the group interaction.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Grown-up, huh, I never thought of it that way but I like it. They've stopped putting everything on hold, and moved on with their lives. Yes, I definitely like that.

Thank you!

[selenay]

Well, I'm a Sam fan (despite the dreadful writing she sometimes gets cursed with) and I loved this piece. I liked the gentle tone of it, the voices of the characters and the feeling that Janet was there even though she wasn't, if that makes any sense.

::hugs::

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Sel, you are so kind! Thank you. Especially the bit about Janet. I appreciate that. Because I think she is still there, in Sam's heart.

[msbeata.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was fantastic! If you find anymore Sam POV rattling around in your brain, write it. Write it now. Is it done yet?

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

*g* I'm not sure I have anything else like this wandering around in my brain, but you never know! Thank you!

[nindulgence.livejournal.com]

she fusses with her napkin, shaking it out, folding it, then unfolding it again, as if it were time and space itself.

Sam's brain--what a fascinating place...

Thanks for writing!

~v

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thank you, nin! I'm happy that bit worked. 'Fraid I might have been overdoing it. *g* But I figured she must really see things in a different way than everyone else.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

This is so not 'throwing gas on a fire' writing.
It's all sorta 'ball already rolling' writing.
I really like that.
And the lack of hysteria that sometimes rears its ugly head in Sam fic and J/D as well.
but the finesse with which you wrote Sam is just so lovely.
Not that I'm a big Sam fan.
Uncle Jack and Daniel.
I'm still all warm and fuzzy about that.
I'm all rough and non-verbose after five days away from lj.
I feel like it's been five years and in internet time, that's about right.
Missed you.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Darling, thank you! You are so sweet. I'm all warm and fuzzy myself now. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you.

[brightbeak.livejournal.com]

i'm thinking that i like this SO much, that i'm wanting MORE :)

bb

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Awww, now that's really nice. Thank you! I'm not sure I can get my brain to go back there, but you never know.

::hugs::

[(Anonymous)]

Hi, total stranger here. I just thought I'd leave a comment to tell you that this story knocked my socks off. The whole thing. I love Sam, and I hardly ever see fic that is kind to her.

Having said that, the part that made me giggle uncontrollably was this:

She has kept an eye on the two of them throughout the dinner, looking for a sign, some kind of evidence, but they have behaved much the same as always, exchanging glances, finishing one another's sentences, sometimes while making identical gestures.

Uh, Sam, honey...As a scientist what does this tell you?

I love this little peek into the team's life - or future life. It's so sweet, and caring, and hopeful, but not saccharine. And it's just wonderful. Thank you for writing it.

Howdy, Stranger!

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Thank you, you are so kind to leave me a comment on my little ficlet. I'm so happy you enjoyed it, especially since I've never written about her before. Thank you so much.

Uh, Sam, honey...As a scientist what does this tell you?

So glad you got that part! Sometimes you just don't see what's right there in front of you, you know? *g*

[mmmchelle.livejournal.com]

I owe you so much feedback. I hope to get to the backlog soon, but this is a good place to start.

I really enjoyed this. It's how I like to imagine them. Happy, still friends. And it's a wonderful portrait of a human, approachable Sam, more like Sam in the early seasons. I love her missing Janet and having doubts and Jack being the one to understand.

Thank you for this.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank *you*, mmmchelle! I really appreciate the kind words. I prefer the Sam of the early seasons, too. She seemed much more human.

Thanks again, dearie!

[raucousraven.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Oh yeah. What you wrote is the way it happens: Sam and Pete, Jack and Daniel, Stealth Snark Teal'c and Janet's voice still lingering in the corners of Sam's mind. And if not, then this is how it should be. Thanks muchly!

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome, and thank you so much for the lovely comment, raucousraven! (great name *g*). It's very much appreciated. I think this is how the future should be for SG1, too. Still together, despite all the changes, because they will always care about one another. And care for each other, too.