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Ah, apartment living...
May. 28th, 2004 08:58 amSo, last night, I drag myself off the couch at around 11:00 to get ready for bed. I realize I'm hearing a strange dripping sound in the bathroom. I turn on the light, stare at the tub, but there's nothing leaking--the showerhead, the faucet, nothing. Everything's shut tight. My groggy brain is trying to figure out what is going on when I feel a drop of water hit my head. I look up at the ceiling to find that our light fixture is filled with water. Almost to the bulbs.
All I could think was that I wasn't getting to bed anytime soon.
Dragged the husband out of bed, held the bucket and flashlight while he unscrewed the big glass bowl thingy (actually, for such a crappy old bathroom, it has one mighty cool old-timey light fixture). The guys upstairs weren't home, but when I put my ear to the door I could hear dripping in their bathroom. (The bathrooms are right across from the front door. A very strange layout.)
By time we got things squared away in our bathroom, bucket in place, yadda yadda, the guys came home, and we found out their toilet was running and had overflowed. Nothing gross, thank goodness. But it was after midnight when I finally fell into bed. So I'm tired. Way tired.
Before I went to bed, though, I amused myself by watching soft-core porn on Cinemax. We seem to have been blessed with a free preview week or something. God, it was bad. The most unerotic sex ever. I had to watch with the sound off, because I couldn't bear to listen to the dialog. But I've come to conclusion that clearly, I'm not doing the sex thing right. I don't toss my hair around nearly enough, or make pouty lip face the whole time. Nor do I touch my own breasts constantly, which seems to be a requirement nobody told me about. I thought that was my husband's job, one that he seems to enjoy, but according to Cinemax, all women must touch their own breasts.
I'm thinking it might be because the guy is afraid of the Cinemax Breasts. The Cinemax Breasts look so stiff and pointy and hard, just two big lumps on a skinny little ribcage. They don't move, no matter what position the woman is in--sideways, upside down, on her back. They probably don't even get all squished up when she's on her stomach, but just leave two identical cone-shaped holes in the mattress. Scary stuff.
I wonder what's going to be on tonight?
All I could think was that I wasn't getting to bed anytime soon.
Dragged the husband out of bed, held the bucket and flashlight while he unscrewed the big glass bowl thingy (actually, for such a crappy old bathroom, it has one mighty cool old-timey light fixture). The guys upstairs weren't home, but when I put my ear to the door I could hear dripping in their bathroom. (The bathrooms are right across from the front door. A very strange layout.)
By time we got things squared away in our bathroom, bucket in place, yadda yadda, the guys came home, and we found out their toilet was running and had overflowed. Nothing gross, thank goodness. But it was after midnight when I finally fell into bed. So I'm tired. Way tired.
Before I went to bed, though, I amused myself by watching soft-core porn on Cinemax. We seem to have been blessed with a free preview week or something. God, it was bad. The most unerotic sex ever. I had to watch with the sound off, because I couldn't bear to listen to the dialog. But I've come to conclusion that clearly, I'm not doing the sex thing right. I don't toss my hair around nearly enough, or make pouty lip face the whole time. Nor do I touch my own breasts constantly, which seems to be a requirement nobody told me about. I thought that was my husband's job, one that he seems to enjoy, but according to Cinemax, all women must touch their own breasts.
I'm thinking it might be because the guy is afraid of the Cinemax Breasts. The Cinemax Breasts look so stiff and pointy and hard, just two big lumps on a skinny little ribcage. They don't move, no matter what position the woman is in--sideways, upside down, on her back. They probably don't even get all squished up when she's on her stomach, but just leave two identical cone-shaped holes in the mattress. Scary stuff.
I wonder what's going to be on tonight?
