So...

[thegrrrl2002]

...would it be rude to go around to the guy on the other side of my cubicle (who works for a different company and who I barely know) and ask him to PLEASE CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT?

Sheesh.

Comments

[rivier.livejournal.com]

Yes, that would be shocking and insensitive of you!

Much better if you can get your feet up on your desk and fart incredibly loudly in his direction. A lot.

Oh, and eat cabbage first. Fight fire with fire, I say! (which is not carte blanche for you to set light to the damn things, you understand).

Hmmm...

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

::contemplates::

Damn cubicle walls are too high.

But I like the way you think.

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. No barriers between your side and his?

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

You see, there are. High walls. That's how loud he is, I can hear him smacking away, loud and clear.

Makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

[wickdzoot.livejournal.com]

Why stop at farting? Just make all kinds of loud, gross bodily noises, and if your body doen't cooperate, get a tape of some.

::zoot hums and thinks of clones::

[rivier.livejournal.com]

That's *my* kind of thinking! Armpit trombone, squashy PVC chair cushions, the works!

[mmmchelle.livejournal.com]

Whoopie cushion.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Well, if he's committed to keeping his mouth open, you could start flicking paperclips into it. *eg*

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

I can't see it. It's the noise. I can't stand the noise.

Maybe I should start slurping my coffee really loudly?

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Or humming. You can start soft, like it's unconscious, and just get louder and louder.

Switch back and forth between the SG-1 and Atlantis themes, with proper dramatic flourishes. *eg*

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, no, I've got it! Whistling! Because I can't carry a tune. It will be torture.

Except I can't whistle when I'm giggling.

[kageygirl.livejournal.com]

Damn. Well, while you're giggling, you can tap out things on the edge of your desk with a pen, like the Bonanza theme, or the William Tell Overture. In fact, the switching between whistling Thing A and tapping Thing B would probably screw with him even more. *g*

(Ironically, I'm not at all disturbing to sit near. My bad habits are nondisruptive ones like "writing fanfic when I really really should be working.")

[catspaw-sgjd.livejournal.com]

The Bonanza theme is good. Or Unchained Melody for whistling and/or humming. Or the 'how lovely the sea is' portion of the Fingal's Cave Overture. Guaranteed to drive anyone crackers when whistled/hummed repeatedly - listen:

'foo foo foo-foo foo foo'

Isn't that just the most annoying thing you've ever heard?

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Fingal's Cave Overture? I don't know that one, and I'm thinking that's a good thing.

Now, the Bonanza theme, that's a good one! My husband found out there are actually words to that one, and we laughed ourselves silly trying to sing it. There's a LOT of words, and you can't really squeeze them all in.

[catspaw-sgjd.livejournal.com]

You are kidding me! Words for 'Bonanza'? ::shakes head:: Why on *earth*? A royalties scam maybe like the Star Trek theme thing?

And yes, you are lucky not knowing the Fingal's Cave Overture. Should you feel the need to torture yourself, ever, it's Mendelssohn

[msbeata.livejournal.com]

Bonanza theme with words
http://s18.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0M883AVM7U8CQ2MFK9X6NC1FNH

Why yes, that is Johnny Cash singing it.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh my! Thank you! That was very silly, even though it was Johnny.

And he slowed it down! So that's how you fit all the words into it. *g*

[reedfem.livejournal.com]

You have choices.

1) Put up with it & gripe at us because we all love you.

2) Avoidance - if you have a CD player or something, put on some music and crank it up. Or wear headphones.

3) Confrontation

You could just walk over and tell him he sounds like a cow when he eats.

You could flick things over the cubicle wall in his direction.

You could do the Meg Ryan thing and when you have his attention, apologize for disturbing him as you had no idea he'd be able to hear you over all the *chomping*...

Popping gum is always good for annoyance value.

Or that tongue clicking thing all the kids have now learned from the Donkey in Shrek 2. ::growl::

(And because it's all about me... my MIL sucks on her dentures. Surprisingly loud and quite disgusting. It's HELL in confined spaces, like the car. And she never brings a denture cup when she stays over - she "borrows" one of my drinking glasses.)

Good luck with whatever you end up doing.

::hugs::

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Hee! I love your suggestions. See, I know you guys would be helpful.

Oh god, the denture thing would make me crazy. Eeeeewwww!!

[qzee.livejournal.com]

random advice, go buy a denture cup for her use when she comes over. They are fairly cheap, no more than $5 and thus she wouldn't be using your drinking glasses as that thought is icky.

[barkley.livejournal.com]

Clip your fingernails! I find that when my coworkers are clipping theirs, I lose all will to eat.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

LOL! How about my toenails?

[probodie.livejournal.com]

1. Walk to water chiller/tap/whatever
2. Obtain either one huge bucket or jug or something and fill them to top
3. Walk to said offender
4. Upturn bucket/jug/whatever over said offender's head
5. Walk off, smugly.

Good luck!

[bluecove.livejournal.com]

Or, you could go here
http://www.toontracker.com/waves/waves.htm
and play some cartoon themes, repeatedly, until it drives him nuts.

I suggest The Bullwinkle Show and Spider-Man (1967) for starters.

When he finally comes to see you (make them come to you, I say) just inform him that you were looking for something to cover the sound of his NOISYOMGCHEWING!

No doubt he will get the point.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

OMG, best website ever!

Thanks for the pointer!

Luckily, chewy-Man had meeting all day. Thank god. And the office is being reorganized so that group will be situated closer together, which hopefully means I'll be farther away.

[karendreamer.livejournal.com]

I'm not very good/brave about that kind of confrontation. Maybe an anonymous note? Remember the old commercial (you're probably not old enough) where people left bottles of mouthwash on people's desks. Became a very popular, but way overdone, thing to do to teachers.

Anyway, you have my sympathies. Yech.

[thegrrrl2002.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm no good with confrontation like that, either. Especially with things of such a personal nature.

I do vaguely remember that commercial though. ::giggles::

[elfbert.livejournal.com]

Could you tap out the rhythm of his chewing loudly on your dividing wall? I mean, everytime he starts chewing tap on just his wall, when he stops to listen, you stop, when he starts chomping, you start tapping again. In the end he may either get the hint or finally come to you to ask you to stop being so annoying, at which point feign ignorance at what the source of the noise was and say you thought it was his computer speakers turned up, and with all the noise over his side you didn't think he'd ever be able to hear your gentle tapping of rhythms and your really sorry a annoying him, but you think you do it subconsciously and can't promise to stop unless the other noise stops...

[iamrosalita.livejournal.com]

It could be so much worse. The guys in my office often burp loudly. And one of them farts. It's disgusting.

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

i could send you some very wonderful and quite loud grateful dead cds...every time he starts up you could turn up the sound. or...maybe..yes, the 1812 overture. you could sing along with it like john crichton.

how about starting to talk to yourself loudly enough for him to hear? something along the lines aobut how hard it is to concentrate when there's a lot of strange noises around you?

i once sang some gilbert and sullivan whenever my neighbor began kicking the wall. which she did when concentrating especially hard on some project. i began loudly by singing from the pirates of penzance: "with cat like tread, upon our way we steal". it cured her in about two days.

and yes, it's a bit scary that i have that memorized. what can i say, we put it on in 8th grade and it's never left my brain completely.

*g*

ps. oh...i just thought of this...loony toons sound wav files. you could play them on your computer....daffy duck, bugs bunny. yeah.... ;)

ps. i'm serious about the dead cds and the gilbert and sullivan. *veg*